well well well....long time ......

so the news is i am getting married. i mean the guy has been finalized, the date is still to be fixed.
i should be happy.. but i donno if i am. i know i am being mean to the guy who has fallen in love with me. he says he loves me every day but then why it is so difficult for me to say this little words to him? it is because i am afraid. afraid that he will go away? or because i still havent fallen in love with him. i guess its both. all my insecurities are back.
why am i getting married in the 1st place? i guess because my folks back home want me to..me seeing all my friends settling down left right and centre...or probably because i want to escape from my present life........i think its both..
i want to be happy and make him happy. but what is happening to me????who ever said about being super excited once u know u r to be married!! where's my excitement? why do i still feel low?
who m i asking these questions..i know i have to search the answers myself. just wanted to vent it out...

i hope by the time i post my next blog i will be happy.